Doing the "Write" Thing: The Hidden Expectations & Secret Costs of Dream Building

It’s been almost two years since I decided to pursue writing exclusively. And as is the case with any major decision, there’s what I thought I was opting into, and what it ended up being.

I became a writer because I loved writing.

Silly me.

Four social media accounts, (almost) two books, an extensive agent hunt, nine pitches, five fellowship applications, four writing groups, two retreats, one writing conference, and numerous “not yets” later, I now understand how much goes into being a writer that has little or nothing to do with the writing itself. (I feel like I should’ve ended that list with “and a partridge in a pear tree”).

One day last week, I opened up to a friend about everything going on. As I was emotionally listing out insecurities, unresolved challenges, financial fears, and the like, he lovingly reassured me, but cut in with an incredibly powerful question:

“What did you expect this to feel like?”

It stopped me in my tracks, and I instantly realized part of the problem was my expectations of it all. I’d mistakenly assumed that a move toward my passion would result in an easier path.

But the reality is, it’s a lot harder.

And in working on my book and TikTok (@malaikasimmonswrites) dancing between prepping IG (@malaikarsimmons) reels, while trying to come up with new concepts for weekly articles and witty one-liners for BlueSky (@malaikarsimmons.bksy.social), it’s easy to get lost. And feel frustrated. And even defeated.

Perhaps I hadn’t mentally prepared for the college-style all-nighters. Or cracked the tax code to understand the ins and outs of business filings. And with visions of a book tour, I hadn’t realized how much of that can fall on the author to figure out. In reality, the glamour of doing something new is often overshadowed by daily groans of frustration and growing pains.

But even at the height of hard, I refuse to turn back.

There Will Be Days Filled with Doubt

The truth is there are still days when I’m not sure which way is up, and I don’t have certainty about where I’m headed. In life, and especially in this transition, I’ve had to learn to ride the waves, always believing that better days lie ahead. While I wish I’d gone into this knowing the resilience required, I’m proud to say I’m building it along the way.

It’s Unlikely to Be Linear

Two years ago (almost to the day), I left an executive job and carefully calculated expenses to make space to take a break. A few months later, I had a massive accident that set me back in every way possible. But it was the road to recovery that helped me settle on what I cared most about. Writing was on my mind every day. And it became my North Star in restructuring my life and reimagining my plans. Plans that have followed a path with many more detours and drop offs than I anticipated.

But Community Comes Out of Nowhere

Since becoming a writer, I’ve intentionally built up my creative community. And what seemed like an inaccessible network now feels like home to me. The support is everywhere. From the kindness of new friends who help me figure out the business of writing to invested instructors who make extra time to work through edits with me, this tough time has been met by the tenacity of a supportive team.

When I say I don’t take a single set of eyes for granted, I mean it. And not because it’s a key to getting published, but because it’s your encouragement that has helped propel me forward on days when it seemed to only make sense to quit.

And It’s So Worth It

In my humble, interim analysis, doing the “write” thing feels incredibly right. I may not have expected every single challenge, but I also couldn’t possibly anticipate the lightness, freedom, and fun I’m having.

As I explore continued adjustments, including a potential role at my husband’s firm (pray for us😊), I do it with an ownership, autonomy, and pride in what I’ve built. And now that I’ve caught a glimpse of what dream chasing is like, I can’t imagine sitting on the sidelines or settling in the ways I had unknowingly normalized before.

Now, it’s your turn. What risk, shift, passion, or project have you avoided exploring for fear of what it will entail? As you consider options and alternatives, do it with the knowledge that different certainly doesn’t always mean easier. You may still be overworked. Or feel underappreciated, but you’ll do it with a smile on your face because what you’re building will be yours.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for your support. And thank you for being a part of the kind, caring, safe space that has given me the courage to chase my dreams.

Until next time…

If you’re looking for something that packs a punch, you may want to check out Unbought, Unbossed, and Unafraid or Demolishing The Truth.

And if you’re new to the Writer’s Block Party, Welcome to the Party & An Unforgiving Minute give great context on who I am and what we’re building.

I’m happy you’re here!